tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72558046345426746632012-02-02T09:46:56.425-05:00We are Korean Moms in training dedicated to psycho-analyzing our moms, reliving horrible memories of embarrassment and dread for the benefit of the public...all the while laughing like a wheezy grandpa. Someone needs to pay for our therapy...Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.comBlogger741100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-19118262842890690772010-12-16T08:52:00.001-05:002010-12-16T08:54:12.840-05:00

At first glance, your average KM heading out to freshen up her perm, or making a Costco run for that last minute economy pack of socks, or giving stank eye to some unfortunate soul...but then you take a closer look. Yes. That's Laminated Postcard Jesus #44. The reason for the season. Your Welcome.

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-15464750072649346992010-10-28T23:13:00.008-04:002010-10-29T01:30:50.732-04:00

My KM banned me from trick or treating.  Instead, I had to create and post a sign outside our door stating "Halloween is the Devil's Holiday and Jesus loves you Sinners!", or something like that. If I was feeling alright I'd add a cross or a bearded dude on a cloud with a harp to give it extra pizazz.  Basically, in my house, it was either the Lord or Hershey's.  The Lord always won.  Every

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-1570288571229155792010-08-24T19:44:00.005-04:002010-08-24T22:27:38.736-04:00

Raise your hand if you have ever attended Korean School.  Beuller? Beuller?  Raise your hand if you have ever attended Korean School while simultaneously learning tae-kwon-do, Korean calligraphy, and fan dancing while being forced to memorize the Korean national anthem? I thought so.  Even now, when I hear it playing I have the sudden urge to stand up and sing...and I don't even remember the

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-64595594488812721262010-04-29T21:41:00.001-04:002010-04-29T21:51:03.990-04:00

The last post was taken down at the request of one of the individuals in the photograph.  In the future, all photos sent to this site with recognizable individuals must have the permission of said individual/s before they are sent to me. Thank you, Chiyo

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-51143706548628190372010-04-20T02:28:00.000-04:002010-04-20T02:28:38.513-04:00

Heading down to the University of California Irvine tomorrow as a guest speaker for the "Korean American Experience" class/course.  Maybe I'll see some of you there? As we speak my Korean Mom is praying by her giant painting of Jesus, hoping I won't wear jeans with holes in them and therefore shame our entire family. Love to your KM! Chiyo

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-10345846912408457592010-04-09T03:42:00.002-04:002010-04-09T03:43:32.952-04:00

Korean Moms know the power of names.  She knows that your name uttered from her lips can emotionally cripple you.  If a KM deigned to say the name of Chuck Norris paired with stank eye, he would shed at least one tear.  A tear of fury, but still, a tear. Korean Moms have a special place in their hearts for bible names.  Especially if you are her son.  They love their sons. Is your name Matthew,

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-55435089677197205062009-11-13T16:29:00.020-05:002009-11-14T00:44:32.192-05:00

Esther W. sent in these gems of KM evidence. This one's a double whammy. #55 Being Green and #42 Plastic Bags At first glance it's just your average 70's dishwasher... Surprise! Did you just die a little inside? I know I did. Lo and behold, a colorful treasure trove of KM goodies aka plastic bags (cue heavenly chorus). Al Gore would be proud. Her conservation single handedly saved some

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-272812888703055902009-11-02T23:27:00.003-05:002009-11-02T23:36:04.793-05:00

Hey SKML readers!I want to see your Korean Mom (KM) evidence.Email me pictures of your KM's freezers, socks with sandals, plastic bag hordes, veggie gardens, etc. Get creative, get sneaky, cross the line, sell your soul. Just be prepared for stank eye. I know it'll be too good not to share with the world.Send them to chiyobear@gmail.comI'll post them and credit you for the photo.Can't wait to

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-61832282885402587782009-10-12T20:09:00.008-04:002009-10-12T22:25:12.016-04:00

Korean Moms love freezing things. They believe that anything can be frozen. I once came home after school and threw open the freezer in search of a snack, only to find a giant ass furry paw perched nonchalantly inside. Yes. You heard me right. A. Paw. PETA would have died, then resurrected, only to die again. It belonged to a bear and was later made into a soup, but that's another story

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-42675276351389261622009-09-18T20:14:00.000-04:002009-09-18T03:26:29.287-04:00

Korean Moms love being green, but they do not know they are being green. All they know is that they saved 50 cents on their last heating bill by keeping the house at a comfortable 49 degrees. You lost feeling in your toes? Complain and risk the debilitating power of the Stank Eye (see #5) or just put on some extra socks with sandals like a good Korean kid. Korean Moms invented

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-12918720299199444132009-06-11T14:51:00.002-04:002009-06-11T15:00:09.058-04:00

Yes! I am indeed alive.A few changes in my life:a)I'm packing up and moving my ass from NY to CA...and it is consuming my life....plan to be back and blogging this weekend. b)Thanks for all your support while I've been applying and crying over Grad schools...tis over now. I'll be starting my doctorate in the fall, like every good Korean Child should before they die. Now all I need to do is get

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-38445860860956932992009-02-11T20:37:00.014-05:002009-02-12T15:46:18.719-05:00

Korean Moms love Korean/Chinese Herbal Medicine. Better known as Hahn-Yahk. If they could carry it around in a flask like a G, whipping it out for a swig every once in while, they would. Vodka and Tequila shots have nothing on the potency of Hahn-Yahk. Its mere stench can make a grown man cry or Clay Aiken grow chest hair. What is it you ask? Nobody really knows. We may have speculations, but we

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com77tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-50178542432188530872008-12-18T18:28:00.002-05:002008-12-18T18:31:07.737-05:00

Dear Readers,I'm so sorry for not updating!I'm in the middle of applying to graduate school and it has pretty much consumed my entire life!As soon as I put these applications to bed, I'll be back...which should be soon!I promise I'm not ignoring your requests for more posts. :)Even my Korean Mom asked me what was up!You'll hear from me soon.Love,Chiyo

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-87722778879198254022008-11-27T10:52:00.003-05:002008-11-27T11:00:32.636-05:00

Dear readers,Have a Happy Thanksgiving, and don't forget to eat some kimchi with that turkey.You know your Korean Mom put it out there, right next to the stuffing.I'll be back this weekend ... it's been too long!Love to your Korean Mom,Chiyo

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-59612765648425204172008-11-04T12:32:00.013-05:002008-11-06T00:52:41.525-05:00

One of the many unique talents a Korean mom possesses is force feeding; feeding you until you are nearly hospitalized, distended stomach and all. Although you may think this is true about moms across cultures, Korean moms stand alone in how they go about using this particular talent. They are the queens of mixed messages. In fact, they invented the mixed message. It is a form of torture taught to

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-57293745833112366722008-10-26T18:32:00.010-04:002008-10-27T00:45:22.746-04:00

Punishment is the Korean Mom's art form. This is where they let their creative juices flow and their imaginations take flight. They are the Mozart of punishers everywhere; prodigious, misunderstood, and just a little crazed. A simple swat on the ass is not ingenious enough for the Korean Mom. Too boring. She will dream up more unique ways to make you pay for things you've done...things you will

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com63tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-73467668763872762412008-10-18T19:30:00.005-04:002008-10-18T23:00:24.637-04:00

Korean Moms love to talk smack, not just any kind of smack, they take it to the next level. Which level you ask? The level where you're crying that heaving, 'I cant breathe' cry because they tag team and talk smack right in front of your ass...about your ass...literally. Sure they could talk smack about you behind your back, but no, that's too easy; child's play. Korean Moms prefer to talk smack

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-22766774925016881252008-10-07T22:24:00.003-04:002008-10-07T22:26:09.889-04:00

Hey Everyone,sit tight...I'll be back with more Korean Momma Drama next weekend.For now you can find me sitting oceanside catching some rays in sunny(hopefully) P.R. (With my KM of course!)Sarang to your KM,Chiyo

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-83117126402959720462008-10-02T01:30:00.007-04:002008-10-03T15:03:54.147-04:00

Korean Moms everywhere love Spam. Sure, it is a chunk of pink mystery meat, but she does not care. The only mystery she cares about is where in the world you hid your report card. A Korean Mom may outwardly pretend she does not like Spam, but deep inside, her heart goes all a-flutter every time she spots that blue and yellow can of oily goodness. It calls to her from the supermarket aisles like

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com44tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-40650591890826296062008-09-22T13:36:00.009-04:002008-09-22T19:50:38.032-04:00

Socks or stockings are the accoutrement of choice for the Korean Mom and the Korean Grandma. Forget stacks of bracelets, the latest shades, or the blingiest necklaces, socks are where it's at. Not just any socks, athletic ankle socks and sheer nude pantyhose. What? You say everyone does this? Yes they do...now...thanks to the fashion powerhouse that is the Korean Mom! Korean Mom sock fashion

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-14194440920393909892008-09-17T16:33:00.009-04:002008-09-17T18:28:58.201-04:00

A round of applause for all of you who are cheering this site on! Your KM would be proud.I would like to thank a few great sites and publications that have been so supportive, doing features, re-posting articles, etc. Please check them out.International Family Magazine (Look under Global Bloggers, and look for our 'Death' post on their site in Oct.)Asian-Central.com (A three day Korean Mom blitz!

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-78813039634063586132008-09-11T17:00:00.006-04:002008-09-11T17:54:08.237-04:00

I know, I know. You don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Let me explain. I have been noticing a scary and disturbing trend at weddings. Korean Moms know how to get down. I'm not talking about your usual bump and grind to Flo Rida. *shudder* No, I'm talking about something more serious. Ballroom dancing. As soon as that Celine Dion song starts playing, they run up in their St. John suit,

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-44259360563954787992008-09-05T15:21:00.008-04:002008-09-05T15:52:04.046-04:00

This needs no explanation. Korean Moms (and Dads) everywhere love to argue over the bill at any gathering. Whether it be a coffee date or an extravagant dinner, rest assured when the bill arrives, all hell will break loose. If you are an outsider witnessing Korean Moms (or Dads) arguing over who pays the bill, it may look like at UFC death match is about to ensue. You are right. In fact,

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-51305593721535552732008-08-28T14:28:00.013-04:002008-08-28T16:43:59.735-04:00

Korean Moms love extra homework. It is their weapon of choice. Homework is the gift that keeps on giving. They love the idea of it, they love giving it, and they love to see you suffering to finish it. If it makes you cry, or want to end it all, then they have done their job. To a Korean Mom, it is not enough that their child's school, whether public or private, gives obscene amounts of homework

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com66tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-33270488448019531972008-08-26T12:37:00.003-04:002008-08-26T12:42:57.204-04:00

Hi everyone,Please be tasteful in your commenting on this site.Any disrespectful comments will be taken off.This site is meant for anyone and everyone who enjoys it. It doesn't matter who you are, or whether or not you know or have a Korean Mom! It's sort of a twisted love letter in a way...twisted being the operative word. :)If you like it, please comment, please add!If you don't, well, please

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-62107458599121827422008-08-25T01:20:00.006-04:002008-08-25T02:00:00.119-04:00

Korean Moms are advocates of 'the paler, the better'. They buy obscene amounts of skin perfecting, purifying, whitening creams and tonics in order to become as pale as possible. Pale equals happiness. It doesn't matter if an endangered whale had to be harpooned, its sperm collected, then shoved into a tiny Shesiedo bottle; if it makes them pale, Korean Moms will buy it. Not only will they buy

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com70tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-6543548793032262432008-08-18T01:16:00.007-04:002008-08-18T01:56:28.737-04:00

Korean Moms everywhere love Jesus. Jesus is their homeboy. Korean Moms love Jesus because they relate to his story. The whole, 'I am divine yet I will sacrifice my life for you lowly creatures, I will suffer silently to save you all, then you will worship me'. This is the story of the Korean Mom's life...or so they like to imagine. Korean Moms love Jesus because, yes, they are Jesus. When they

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-51093011500988523312008-08-08T10:23:00.012-04:002008-08-08T15:38:34.079-04:00

Let's face it, Korean Moms are obsessed with death and dying. Not just any kind of death and dying, but the kind you wish you could witness. Have you ever heard your Korean Mom tell you not to turn on the electric fan in your room with the door closed or you will suffocate? They will say this to you, not in their gentle soothing voice (whatever that sounds like...), but they will scream it at you

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com87tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-61336435781452283342008-07-25T00:04:00.002-04:002008-07-25T00:09:14.242-04:00

Here I go again.Off on another work related trip.I'll miss you. Don't cry. Really.DDOOK!! (Insert scary Korean Mom voice and stank eye)Be back in two weeks! :)PS- I'm loving all your awesome Korean Mom and just plain MOM stories! You guys crack me up. Want to share a personal Korean Mom story? Leave it as a comment and brighten someone's Korean Mom-less day.See you soon!

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-21379133412865796762008-07-17T17:11:00.007-04:002008-07-17T18:02:11.656-04:00

Similar to the way Korean Moms hoard tiny condiment packets, they hoard paper and plastic bags. Like a Lay's Chip, they can never have just one. These bags can be from anywhere. It matters not. If you are like me, you know the worst thing you can do is throw out an empty paper or plastic bag in front of your Korean Mom. She will cry out as if her latest Korean Drama has been canceled, and shout "

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com55tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-85298216890681362752008-07-04T12:36:00.002-04:002008-07-04T12:41:00.699-04:00

Alot of you have thrown out some great ideas for posts on this site!I want to keep track of them...and I know you want to see them on this site! :)What are some other 'Stuff Korean Moms Like'?Make sure to post your name along with your idea so I can credit you when it posts!Love to your Korean Mom,Chiyo

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com82tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-16730102567964141452008-06-30T22:52:00.006-04:002008-07-01T23:59:41.374-04:00

It's going to be a hectic month for me!I'm traveling alot for work; and no I'm not going home to see my Korean Mom. (though I wish I were).I'll be back and blogging in a week or two.Thanks again to all my readers who love their Korean and non-Korean moms! I love sharing all my Korean Mom memories with you...and hearing yours too. Your interest and support are amazing. Link to me if you like what

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-52593792778963143202008-06-25T00:02:00.002-04:002008-06-26T00:14:55.624-04:00

Red Bean or 'ppaht', is the fifth food group of Korean Moms. They believe Red Bean belongs in everything; from bread to fried chicken. I will admit, sometimes it's pleasant...but let's face it...sometimes it is very bad. Very. Bad. Korean Moms believe that Red Bean serves as some sort of dessert for the most part. Let's not lie to ourselves. It's a fucking BEAN. It makes you fart. Just because

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-89033577611226756112008-06-21T19:09:00.001-04:002008-06-22T19:15:04.138-04:00

This one was a long time in coming. Korean Dramas are part of the Holy Trinity of Stuff Korean Mom's Like (The others being Church and a tie between their Male Children - see #7 - and pointing out physical deformities - see #19 -). Korean Dramas are to Korean Moms what Mcdonald's is to a fat kid. To a Korean Mom, Korean Dramas are the only thing worth watching on TV or DVD/Video. Yes, many of

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-41799663968589021822008-06-14T08:48:00.004-04:002008-06-14T20:55:14.629-04:00

Corningware. It's white, has a faded, pastel, flowery design along the borders, and straight out of the 70's. If you're Korean, you have this, had this, or have seen this at another Korean person's house. All Korean Moms of a certain generation either inherited Corningware dishes or had them on their registry when they got married. Possession of Corningware is a requirement for Korean Momness. It

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-16756910127414200272008-06-04T16:48:00.004-04:002008-06-04T16:55:53.358-04:00

The businesses of many Korean Moms are sustained by one crucial group; child laborers. How many of you in your childhood not only learned how to do algebra in fifth grade, but also learned how to fold clothes properly at the laundromat? How many of you memorized the periodic table but also the price of every single item in aisle five at the deli? Yes. I am talking to you. You who were forced to

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-22228737167150867852008-05-28T13:52:00.000-04:002008-05-28T13:56:25.572-04:00

Korean Mom's believe everything can be bargained down to a better price...everything. At the grocers, department store, dentist, a blood bank, to child labor...everything. A Korean Mom will boldly walk into Barney's and try to negotiate a pair of Prada pumps from 800 to 8 dollars by complaining, "is no good!". You meanwhile, are standing nearby like a deer frozen in headlights, willing the floor

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-2725395072605270772008-05-26T21:40:00.002-04:002008-05-26T21:43:09.091-04:00

Thanks to everyone who's been visiting!We're a fairly new site...if you like what you see...pass it on or link to us!More Korean Momma drama coming soon...Go hug your Korean Mom.Love,Chiyo

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-84944775114965495152008-05-25T22:16:00.009-04:002008-05-25T23:16:49.174-04:00

Korean Mom's think that have supernatural powers of linguistics. They believe anyone and anything can understand them even if they speak only in Korean, even animals. They are the Snow White of Asia. They speak Korean and the wild animals will heed and obey. Have you ever been in a Korean hair/nail salon or deli? Korean Moms will speak to their non-Korean employees in Korean all the time. If

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-6279935925659435402008-05-24T19:50:00.004-04:002008-05-24T20:19:30.996-04:00

Korean Moms love to snoop. We have all at one time or another been victims of the 'Korean Mom Cleaning' that conveniently happens in your bedroom only on days when you are not at home. Cleaning = Snooping, which is really your Korean Mom's excuse to dig around and discover things to punish you for. There are particular things a Korean Mom will look for while snooping: a) Drugs (Really anything

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-46189447041268880612008-03-30T16:23:00.003-04:002008-03-30T16:44:58.722-04:00

The purchasing of wrapping paper and ribbon are a few of the things that Korean Mom's consider "waste money"(see # ). Instead buying these things, they will get them for 'free'. When a Korean Mom opens a present, she will first admire and attempt to salvage the wrapping paper and any accouterments like ribbon or plastic flowers dangling on the outside of the package. It will take her 30 minutes

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-50400740961618088972008-03-27T18:46:00.005-04:002008-03-27T19:04:33.482-04:00

The three magic words that a Korean Mom will say only 5 times to you. 1) When you are born. 2) When you get into Harvard. 3)When you marry someone who graduated from Harvard. 4) When you buy her a house. 5)When you have a son. Have you ever seen an episode of Full House? Whenever DJ or Stephanie do something stupid Danny Tanner is always there to tell them that he loves them (weird organ music

Chiyobear@gmail.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860397697324008473noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7255804634542674663.post-44750330447939804442008-03-25T15:29:00.006-04:002008-03-26T22:23:06.514-04:00

Korean Moms have many secrets. Basically, they lie to us all the time. Accept it. They will keep all sorts of secrets from you because they feel by telling you these details, your brain will implode, and you will be damaged beyond repair. Korean Moms have secrets ranging from secret siblings to your next pre-arranged doctor's appointment. This 'keeping secrets' is affirmed by all the Korean

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Korean Moms hate pets...or so they say. Even if a Korean Mom currently allows for a family pet(a dog, a bird, a hamster), at some point she rejected and abhorred the idea. Korean Moms feel that pets are dirty, and that if anything, they do not belong in the home. A Korean Mom feels that raising an animal indoors will cause the home to reek like shit. Even more than when they cook

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All Korean Moms think they have some sort of pychic power to interpret dreams. Anytime someone has a random dream with a dog, teeth falling out, or a death, a Korean Mom will try and tell you what it means. She is like a Korean version of Miss Cleo and the psychic hotline, except her opinion is always free, and you can't even pay her to stop. Believe me. I've tried. Don't ever tell your Korean

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Face it. If you're a short guy, Korean Moms do not fancy you. They are vertically prejuduced. Korean Moms think you or your parents did something wrong for this tragedy to have befallen you. Secretly they believe that either you or your parents didn't pray hard enough. If you are a girl and you are short, Korean Mom's are telling you to thank your lucky stars you weren't born a boy. If you look

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...their skin off. Yes, it's time to mention what every Korean Mom has in the shower. The infamous 'Italy Cloth', or 'Ddeh' cloth. It removes dead skin, a layer of fat, some muscle, and if you scrub hard enough; your soul. Korean Moms are gangsta because they don't cry out from the pain, they say 'Joh-ttah!' instead. Scrubbing with the ddeh cloth should be on a Fear Factor episode. It's either

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How many of your Korean Moms have those photos of you somewhere at home? You know, the ones where if a child protective services agent ever got a hold of them, your beloved Korean Mom would be cuffed and awaiting trial? Every Korean Mom feels they must document naked pictures of their babies in some way shape or form. It's a proud moment. They grandiosely display you in your ass naked glory, in

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Korean Moms firmly believe that all Korean children must play a classical instrument. They will break you in with private piano lessons, then attempt to add to your musical repertoire by enrolling you in orchestra or band. Choir does not count because Korean Moms believe all Korean people can sing, which is why they will force you to sing the "Song-ah-gee" song at family gatherings like a

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The enemy of every Korean Mom? Abercrombie and Fitch. They do not understand why anyone would purchase jeans with holes deliberately ripped in them. They do not understand why said jeans cost double the price of the jeans they bought at Nordstrom Rack and were made in Korea. It baffles them that their children will continuously wear any type of clothing with holes in them at all; worn in over

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Korean Moms love everything made in Korea. They don't just love it, they will put their lives on the line for it. They firmly believe that everything made in Korea is far superior to things made elsewhere. When they buy things at Costco, like socks or bbanse, they will scour the package for the label that says, "Made in Korea". If this label cannot be found, they will say, "Aigoh, Korea make

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Sure, it's a habit leftover from war time, but girl please. How many of you have ever been embarrassed when your Korean Mom grabs 30 napkins instead of the 3 she actually needs? When you open the kitchen drawer at home is it filled with packets of ketchup from Mcdonald's and sauces from Burger King? Once my Grandma gave me a Mcdonald's ketchup packet from so long ago, the contents looked like

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All Korean Moms claim to have decended from Korean royalty. Not just any Korean royalty, but the best dynasty, with the best King and the best rice...ever. Korean Moms also like to claim that they are from the 'purest' line of Kims, or Jongs, or Shins. They will assure you that their last name is like the holy of holys...so pure in fact, that people cannot directly look at her lest they burn up

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A Korean Mom will always make Mee-Yuk-Gook/Seaweed soup on your birthday. Without fail, it always appears faster than the enchanted food at Hogwarts. The minute you wake up, hop or stumble out of bed...there it is...a nice hot steamy bowl of seaweed soup. She may not give you a cake(you might get some dduk/rice cake though you lucky bastard), a gift(maybe a crisp 20, or a benjamin if she's a

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They love this. If you are between the ages of 24-40 and unmarried, your Korean mom is currently trying to marry you off. Don't deny it. The sooner they get you married, the sooner they get to be 'halmoni's/grandmothers and not 'ahjumahs'/older-married-women. You are not to marry just anyone. Your Korean mom is planning your marriage to either a Korean Doctor or Lawyer, and maybe if she's

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Korean moms will go out of their way to point out any sort of physical deformity. Even things that you never noticed about yourself; like your receding hairline, bushy eyebrows, yellowed teeth. If you have spent a few hours around a Korean mom, she will proceed to nitpick on your physical appearance. Moles or 'Juhm' that you once thought were 'beauty marks' will have to suffer an attempt to be

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Korean moms love to brag. Bragging often leads to competetive comparing (see # 2). They will brag regarding just about anything, usually in the presence of other Korean moms. Anything from bargain shopping, their children's accomplishments, or the daughter-in-law's Korean cooking are up for bragging rights. When a Korean mom brags it is extremely deceptive to one who has never witnessed this

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Korean moms do not understand why their kids move out. If they had it their way, kids and parents would live together until marriage -- at which time the kids would buy a house big enough for everyone, with parents living on one floor and grown, married children and their spouses living on the other. The only exception is if the kids have faraway (100+ miles) jobs or schools. Often this small

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Most Korean moms do not believe in dishwashers. They say it "waste water" and "do not clean good," and prefer to roll up their sleeves and scrub with their bare hands. They often claim that loading a dishwasher requires more work than handwashing dishes themselves. Dishwashers do serve a very important function for Korean moms -- extra storage.

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All Korean moms disapprove of their daughters-in-law on some level. This long tradition of hatred is deeply rooted in Korean moms' unreasonably high opinion of their sons (See #7) and the belief that their precious sons are being stolen/taken away through marriage. Moms are encouraged by Korean dramas to exhibit erratic behavior when sons develop an interest women...any woman. This adversity can

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No matter how much they may deny it, all Korean moms are racist. One Korean mom might be a little less obvious about it than another, but when it comes right down to it, they all believe that other races are inferior to Koreans in intelligence and cleanliness. They also like to use derogatory names for the other races: "jok-bahl" for japanese, "ddae-nohm" for chinese, and even "bbal-gang-ee" for

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Korean moms believe that most gifts (especially flowers, chocolates, and other items of indulgence) are "waste money!" They prefer gifts to be a bundle of cash that they could squirrel away in their sock drawer and never spend. This stash is moderatly depleted during holidays like New Years or birthdays when they will hand out crisp 20 dollar bills to kids. Gift certificates are also considered

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Korean moms are addicted to sacrifice and pain. If they were sexual beings, which they are not, they would be kinky and love S&M. They are convinced that no one has had it harder than them. They also enjoy letting their children know how much they have sacrificed and endured pain -- usually to give a guilt trip or to trivialize their children's own pain. (e.g. Child: "Mom, my legs hurt so bad

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Korean moms will go out of their way to tell people that they are fat. Sometimes they will say that you look 'healthy', but do not be decieved by this outwardly friendly comment. Really, it just means you're fat. There's no getting around it. Many Korean women live in fear of heading to Korea for vacation because they will be called fat by many Korean moms, sometimes by more than five different

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Korean moms love to diagnose themselves and everybody else. They will often attempt to cure various diseases by consuming what other people might consider 'weeds' or 'deer shit'. My grandmother was once almost arrested in a National Forest for pulling baby ferns from a conservation area and stuffing the limp green carcasses into hefty garbage bags. Sort of like fern-napping. Many of them also

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To a Korean mom, only the Korean news is valid. It doesn't matter what the NYTimes has to say. Except for when they write good things about Koreans or Korean food, like bon chon chicken. When this happens the 'others' are suddenly spot on.

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A Korean mom believes with her whole being that 'B' stands for bad...Michael Jackson molestation charges bad, not 'Thriller' bad. 'C', D', and 'F' are not even on a Korean mom's radar. Those letters do not even exist.

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When a Korean male is born, Korean women will sometimes hang red peppers resembling penis' around the house as a mark of pride. When a Korean girl is born, it's not like all of a sudden they're hanging taco shells or hot dog buns from the rafters...it's just not fair. Korean moms love to remind their sons and everyone else of how special and miraculous said sons are, even when they grow up to be

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When I call my mom to tell her I got rejected from Grad School she responds "OH MY GOD" in her accent...which somehow makes it all the worse. Then proceeds to tell me not to cry because then she'll be sad, and she doesn't want to be sad right now...and oh my God she just wants to die. (See #3)

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They give good stank eye. It's almost like a super power, but often worse. Korean mom stank eye can bring anyone to their knees. The stank eye is usually paired with a sharp intake of breath that ends in a sharp 'tsk!". It is not only a mark of disapproval, it is the kiss of death.

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Even if no one else likes it...it is always better than yours.

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All of us have heard our moms tell us that they wish they were dead...this is then an invitation for those in earshot to protest and list reasons for living. If you want your mom to stop saying that she wants to die, just respond, "When? Today? How?"

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Korean moms love to compare. When they compare; whether it is food, races, genders, or the fruit of their own loins, they come alive with a fierce joy that is particular only to Korean moms. Although one would think that comparing would make Korean moms feel jealous or sad, comparing makes them feel better about themselves. It can almost be considered a sport of sorts where there are no losers;

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At a certain juncture in a Korean mother's life...she feels the undeniable urge to rock the Little Orphan Annie look. The perm is supposed to enhance fullness in her hair...but usually results in a frizzy halo that ushers in another era in a Korean mother's life (see 'Ahjumah'). This is a rite of passage and cannot be stopped. One will often hear young Korean women saying to each other "I'm never

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