Monday, October 12, 2009

#56 The Freezer

Korean Moms love freezing things. They believe that anything can be frozen. I once came home after school and threw open the freezer in search of a snack, only to find a giant ass furry paw perched nonchalantly inside. Yes. You heard me right. A. Paw. PETA would have died, then resurrected, only to die again. It belonged to a bear and was later made into a soup, but that's another story for another time and another therapy session.

I dare you to go home and take a look inside your KM's freezer. There you will find an assortment of breads from 2002, various meats, soups/stews lovingly ladled into precious tupperware, rice mummified in saran-wrap, and perhaps even a dead goldfish for you and your little brother to bury later in the backyard. What? Did I over-share again?

Korean Mom's believe that freezing things save money and time. This is a lie. A lie they tell to justify their addiction to the activity of freezing. They conveniently forget the many hours they spend at Costco buying five cows and a pig, and the additional hours it takes to prepare said animals in order to finally freeze them for later consumption. Later meaning, much, much,, Obama's second term later. Who cares if it is ever actually consumed? The fun is in the Freeze. The Freezer isn't 'fresh'? Forget the conventional meaning of 'fresh'. To a Korean Mom fresh means it doesn't have too much freezer burn or it literally came kicking and screaming from the backyard. Same thing. I shudder even now, recalling the many times I have seen a gorgeous loaf of bread thrown mercilessly into the freezer to die a cruel death next to a batch of frozen Japanese curry from yester-year. Many Korean Mom's have additional freezers in the garage to accommodate their love of freezing things. Holla if you know what I'm talking about. If there is ever famine, run to the first Korean home you know. You'll be set. In fact, bring at least 10 others. No vegetarians. That word does not exist in a Korean Mom's vocabulary. Do not utter it to her unless you are ready to bear the searing power of the Stank Eye (see #5)...and no, you are not ready.

I hope you know I just saved your life biotch.

Entry inspired by: Julie Yeo