Friday, September 18, 2009

#55 Being Green

Korean Moms love being green, but they do not know they are being green. All they know is that they saved 50 cents on their last heating bill by keeping the house at a comfortable 49 degrees. You lost feeling in your toes? Complain and risk the debilitating power of the Stank Eye (see #5) or just put on some extra socks with sandals like a good Korean kid.

Korean Moms invented self-sustainability. Does your backyard look like a scene from Jurassic Park? Do plants that look suspiciously like giant mutant weeds mysteriously make it onto the dinner table? Is your Korean Mom prouder of the achievements of the giant ass peppers growing in the window sill than she is of your law degree? Does your family pet feast on leftover Korean stew and rice while feverishly trying to chew it's way to freedom from a 5 ft leash tied to a pole in your backyard? Does your Korean Mom have an 80's sweater with glitter and shoulder pads that you recently spotted on Lindsay Lohan in US Weekly? If any of these are true you are victim of the Korean Mom Conservation Act. Do not misunderstand, Korean Moms do not 'attempt' to be green, they could care less about the inconvient truth, the spotted owl, or the polar bear families with no ice. She just wants to find a way to get the smell of pickled radish out of her Glad-lock zipper bag so she can use it for the 100th time. Al Gore secretly wishes he had the cojones of a Korean Mom. He dreams about reusing old tupperware stained hot pink from over fermented kimchee juice without shame or fear. Have you ever had a tuna sandwich with the lingering aftertaste of tupperware kimchee and soap? Well, don't.

When I visit my Korean Mom, I have to remember to pack a flashlight so I can see myself in the bathroom mirror. Even though there are 10 light bulbs on the vanity only one will work. I feel like I'm putting on my makeup by candlelight in the days of yor. Afterwards, I always end up looking like the Joker, but like the Joker after he put his makeup on in a darkened cave and with no eyes or fingers. In fact, compared to me, the Joker was a hottie. Ok, gotta go. I have to go eat a squash that's bigger than my ass.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

yay. welcome back.
i want my korean mama right now! me baby.

maverickandlove said...

omg!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ive read this blog before and i remember you mentioned a blog, but i wasnt 100% sure this was yours. dude!!! your blog is so freaking hilarious and sadly most things true!!! miss you!

Alex C. said...

Welcome back! Hilarious.

~A

Christine O. said...

Conservation Act AHAHAHAHAHAA!!! YAY you're back!

Anonymous said...

Ah, no wonder my MIL's house is 90 degrees at all times in the summer, and we keep getting mysterious korean veggies as gifts anytime we visit. :)

I'm Hani. said...

You are back!!! My mom and I missed you!!!! The light bulbs in the bathroom really cracked me up. Exactly the same at my parents' house. Oh gosh. Now I am homesick...

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you're back.

Andrea

candice said...

YAY you are back! I was going through withdrawal!!! More blog entries please! My mom tried to feed my dog dwengjahng chigae, but I denied her. She thinks I'm crazy for buying dog food.

Anonymous said...

you're hilarious! good to have you back!

Boston Girl said...

welcome back!

and yeah my mom could care less about being green. the only reason she recyces soda bottles is so she can get her bottle deposit back.

ngf said...

tupperware...(sigh & nods)

oh man, reusing the twist-ties from bread and produce...

Sonia said...

LOL...thanks for making me realize that I'm starting to turn into my mother. I need to fix that!

Moodangbulae said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Moodangbulae said...

Oye! The only way my KM was rid of the kimchi-soapy tupperware was by me taking them and saying I needed some for my house, secretly throwing them out, and replacing them with a Rubbermaid Stain Shield gift set from Sam's. I told her they were good for kimchi and that made everything alright.

suckysam said...

If you are looking for tour&travels related information, you can scan the resource page of herbsncures.com and get travel related links on the resource section of the website.

Zed said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zed said...

Haha, I don't think the light bulb thing is a Korean mum thing, so much as a Korean thing in general :-)

I love being in the dunny and some one switches off the lights, or in the middle of class on a dark cloudy day and some one comes and turns off all the lights.

I don't thing a substance has been invented that doesn't "kimchee stain" when you put kim chee in it. In a last ditch effort I tried my glass jelly making dish, and now every time I make jelly I get whiffs of kimchee.

Pam said...

this blog cracks me up every time. missed you!

chungbajee said...

omigoodness where have you been all my life? I have just discovered your blog and can't stop laughing. Thanks for making my mundane afternoon a joyous one! Though I am dying to keep reading, I will have to save some for tomorrow when the clock starts dragging again.

chacha said...

Happy to have you back! Don't forget the dishwasher that is only used as a drying rack!

Jung Un said...

OMG! This is so true! I am also a Korean mom but no way am I gonna end up like my mom....lol

Thank you, thank you for validating this...

Kevin, Jennifer, Hana & Alaina Norman said...

Sooo funny! Korean moms are the OG 'recycle & green' movement! My mother would rather have me carry 20 apples in my hands than give me one of her precious plastic bags!

hardyandtiny said...

Biggest energy wasters on the planet! Homes are kept at 80F during winter!

bòn said...

omg I'm not a Korean mom but you have been describing me with this post... Our house temperature at one point was 40 degrees and we could see our Maine Coon cat's breath...

Dswank said...

oh my dear lord this is so hilarious if I wasn't at work I would have laughed outloud. (instead I am stifling my laughter so my boss thinks I'm still working). Anywhoo, my favorite part was the tupperware stained pinkish/red from kimchi. OMG. That is so my mom. That, and the fact that she keeps giving me jars and jars of kimchi and demands to know whether or not I've finished it yet after one week. Dude, give the cabbage a rest! Nonetheless, I appreciate her efforts to make sure I don't starve. Thanks for the laugh; love your blog! XOXO.

dcbur509 said...

could it be that our moms are so conservative because they lived a poor life as a child?

arystarca said...

Sheesh...you think it was bad when your mom didn't heat the home? Imagine in Phoenix, AZ when my mom refused to turn on the air conditioning every summer for decades...

Honestly, I don't know that it was worth it healthwise, since I have trouble building up a real cold tolerance when I moved up north and she is absolutely afraid of temperatures colder than 80 degrees. :o