Monday, June 30, 2008

See you Soon!

It's going to be a hectic month for me!
I'm traveling alot for work; and no I'm not going home to see my Korean Mom. (though I wish I were).
I'll be back and blogging in a week or two.

Thanks again to all my readers who love their Korean and non-Korean moms! I love sharing all my Korean Mom memories with you...and hearing yours too. Your interest and support are amazing. Link to me if you like what you see and spread the word.

Go hug your Mom.


ps - For those of you who've been asking 'who the hell are you?!'...I wish I could say...but I might have to quit my day job first!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

#41 Red Bean

Red Bean or 'ppaht', is the fifth food group of Korean Moms. They believe Red Bean belongs in everything; from bread to fried chicken. I will admit, sometimes it's pleasant...but let's face it...sometimes it is very bad. Very. Bad. Korean Moms believe that Red Bean serves as some sort of dessert for the most part. Let's not lie to ourselves. It's a fucking BEAN. It makes you fart. Just because you add sugar to it does not always make it the best or only dessert. I could put sugar on a turtle turd and it might be magically delicious for all I know. If you are like me, you have grown up either loving Red Bean or hating it with a burning passion. Your Korean Mom fed this to you in the form of Dduk (rice cake), snacks, bingsoo, steamed buns, etc. You either saw it inside your steamed bun and said, 'yum!' or 'who shit in this?!'. Korean Moms love Red Bean over many other things in life. They prefer it over a box of Godiva chocolates, and sometimes even over you. Use Red Bean liberally to get yourself out of trouble, or score hard to earn points with your Korean Mom. Put it on a slice of cheesecake, put it in her coffee, slather it on her toast, smear it on your report card instead of hiding it. It will make anything and everything better and more pleasing to your Korean Mom. Use the power of the Red Bean my friend, and remember, with great power comes great responsibility.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

#40 Korean Dramas

This one was a long time in coming. Korean Dramas are part of the Holy Trinity of Stuff Korean Mom's Like (The others being Church and a tie between their Male Children - see #7 - and pointing out physical deformities - see #19 -). Korean Dramas are to Korean Moms what Mcdonald's is to a fat kid. To a Korean Mom, Korean Dramas are the only thing worth watching on TV or DVD/Video. Yes, many of them still watch these on VHS, they are hard core like that. Don't hate. A Korean Mom will even become computer literate just so she can watch her favorite Korean Drama online. She will not know how to type, or use Google, but she will know how to power on a PC and illegally download the latest Drama with Bae Yong Jun. She may not know what the call waiting beep is, but she knows how to use Limewire or Veoh so she can watch the craziness of the perpetual story line that goes, 'Rich Korean boy falls in love with poor Korean girl, parents don't approve, they marry anyway, beg for forgiveness, then one of them dies'. Do not come between a Korean Mom and her latest Korean Drama of choice. She will cut you. Here is a little known secret. Korean Dramas are not fictional to Korean Moms they are reality. It is their version of 'Real World' or 'Laguna Beach'. My Korean Mom does not watch Korean Dramas anymore. She claims watching them made her think about the Korean Dramas more than she did about anything, anyone, or life in general. She quit cold turkey...those were... dark days. *shudder*

Saturday, June 14, 2008

#39 Corningware

Corningware. It's white, has a faded, pastel, flowery design along the borders, and straight out of the 70's. If you're Korean, you have this, had this, or have seen this at another Korean person's house. All Korean Moms of a certain generation either inherited Corningware dishes or had them on their registry when they got married. Possession of Corningware is a requirement for Korean Momness. It is the only brand of dish that is worth owning. Do not ever break, lose, or lend out your Korean Mom's Corningware. She will turn you into stone with her stank eye and there will be no Aslan to cure you. To a Korean Mom her Corningware is older, more reliable, and better looking than you. It never talks back, and it will never be fat. You, on the other hand, will. Corningware is the secret illegitimate child of the Korean Mom. I once took one of my Korean Mom's Corningware dishes to college. She missed it more than she missed me. It eventually graduated and moved back in with her to her delight.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

#38 Child Labor

The businesses of many Korean Moms are sustained by one crucial group; child laborers. How many of you in your childhood not only learned how to do algebra in fifth grade, but also learned how to fold clothes properly at the laundromat? How many of you memorized the periodic table but also the price of every single item in aisle five at the deli? Yes. I am talking to you. You who were forced to stock the mini mart/bodega with expired cans of Spam and spray cheese. Korean Moms firmly believe that all children must not only get straight A's (see #8 ) but work. When you were born, your Korean Mom fired an employee to even things out. If a Korean Mom ever asks you to work at the 'gah-geeh'/store...she is not asking, she is telling. It may sound like a question, but it is really a demand. It just sounds like a question because she is trying hard to be nice. Just nod and say 'neh'/yes. Do not ask her how long you are supposed to work. It will always be longer than you would like. Do not ask her how much you will be paid. You will work for free. Crying children in Thai sweatshops making Nike's will earn more than you. Do not complain that your Korean Mom is golfing or watching Korean Dramas at home while you are slaving away. She will only make you work harder as retribution. And no. You will not get a lunch break.