Korean Moms love to talk smack, not just any kind of smack, they take it to the next level. Which level you ask? The level where you're crying that heaving, 'I cant breathe' cry because they tag team and talk smack right in front of your ass...about your ass...literally. Sure they could talk smack about you behind your back, but no, that's too easy; child's play. Korean Moms prefer to talk smack about you where you can hear them and feel the wrath of their stank eye all at the same time. What does this feel like? Like that feeling right before throwing up, being forced to watch the mini-me/Verne Troyer sex tape, or burning in Hell, whichever of the three is worse. My bet's on mini-me. The kinds of things a Korean Mom will talk smack about vary anywhere from how fat you are to how that pimple on your forehead looks like a third eye. Pretty much as long as you're alive and breathing, anything is game. Actually, now that I think about it, being dead does not truly exempt you from smack talk either. A Korean Mom will always enlist the help of one or more Korean Moms in order to lay the smack down on you. Let me paint you a lovely little picture. There you are, standing in line at Starbucks, when a couple of Korean Moms creep up behind you and start the take down. They smack talk in Korean but allow you to hear and understand key words like "ugly", "Oh My God", "fat" or "crazy", driving you up the wall trying to figure out whether they're talking about you or the stale donut in the pastry case. Just so you know, yes, they are talking about you. Once my Korean Mom and I spied a lady in our vicinity with her sparkly purple thong underwear unnecessarily pulled up above her low-rise Britney Spears jeans on her non Britney Spears booty (pre-head shave). She turns to me and says in her whisper on steroids, 'Geh, THONG, nuh-moo SHOW-heh. FAT sah-rahm THONG WEAR hah-myun ahn-dweh! OH MY GOD". As the Britney Wannabe's head began to swivel towards us, my Korean Mom's stank eye began to blaze while her perm curled even tighter, preparing for K.O. At that moment, I prayed to whomever was listening that I would be able to block this out of my memory until I could pay for expensive therapy to explain away and heal my emotional damage. No such luck.