Monday, August 18, 2008
Korean Moms everywhere love Jesus. Jesus is their homeboy. Korean Moms love Jesus because they relate to his story. The whole, 'I am divine yet I will sacrifice my life for you lowly creatures, I will suffer silently to save you all, then you will worship me'. This is the story of the Korean Mom's life...or so they like to imagine. Korean Moms love Jesus because, yes, they are Jesus. When they picture Jesus in their heads, they see themselves, perm and all. Jesus had the original Korean Mom perm...the coveted wave pama/perm you can only get in Flushing for 130 bucks. It is not that the Korean Mom is like Jesus; it is that Jesus is a Korean Mom. The question is not 'What Would Jesus Do' (WWJD) it's 'What Would Your Korean Mom Do' (WWYKMD). Jesus would never throw away a plastic bag, or sleep with a fan in his face because he knows doing so equals death. Jesus would never get less than an 'A+' on his Hebrew exam. Jesus would never talk back...and yes, he was probably a tall man. Jesus is every Korean Mom's dreamboat. We fantasize about Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie; Korean Moms dream about Jesus in his white robe and gladiator sandals...hot. Not only is he everything they want to be, he is everything she will compare your future spouse to. There is a reason why Korean Moms are constantly calling on Jesus, 'Joo-yoh!' whenever something goes wrong, or something or someone displeases them. They are only reminding themselves of who they really are, and who they wish you could be. Once when I was a kid, I came home and saw my Korean Mom had hung a life size portrait of Jesus on our mantle. It was bigger than the TV, the microwave, the fireplace. There he was, just standing there in his giant gold frame with grape moldings on the edges, being all judgy. I swear there is a secret Korean Mom store just for these special gigantic Jesus items. Every time another Korean Mom came over, her eyes went straight to our Giant Jesus as she exclaimed 'Joh-ttah!'/Good!...the stamp of Korean Mom approval. He is there to this day.