Saturday, May 24, 2008

#35 Snooping


Korean Moms love to snoop. We have all at one time or another been victims of the 'Korean Mom Cleaning' that conveniently happens in your bedroom only on days when you are not at home. Cleaning = Snooping, which is really your Korean Mom's excuse to dig around and discover things to punish you for. There are particular things a Korean Mom will look for while snooping:

a) Drugs (Really anything that looks like a pill that is not from the Korean pharmacy)

b) Cigarettes

c) Evidence you are sexually active (Ladies: being in possession of thong underwear counts as sexual activity. To a Korean Mom only prostitutes and Britney Spears wear thongs...neither of these being good.)

d) Porn (Beware, to a Korean Mom any sort of picture with someone wearing anything less than a turtleneck is Penthouse material)

e) Bad Grades

f) The Bible (if she sees this sitting somewhere prominent she will forgive you for at least "d" and maybe "b". If it is open with some highlighted passages clearly visible she may forgive you additionally for "e")

Do not ever straight up accuse a Korean Mom of snooping. She will only assume you are hiding something unforgivable like a condom (even though she does not know what they look like) or a 'B+', and commence looking for said evidence as soon as you leave the house. The condom she will probably not find, because she will think it is a giant piece candy...but the 'B+'? Oh, she will find it my friend...and you will pay.


19 comments:

dreams2ashes said...

LOL so true

Anonymous said...

you forgot reading diaries.

Anonymous said...

you forgot reading diaries.

echo0918 said...

My mom still goes through my sister's and my mail if they ever get delivered to her house. We're all in our 30s. Two of us are married.

bokumbop said...

Man, I could spend all day on your blog.

I shared this elsewhere:
http://kimchimamas.typepad.com/kimchi_mamas/2008/05/korean-mama-dra.html

LDizz said...

my mom is definitely guilty of this. she found my butterfly knife that i bought in mexico back in high school during one of her "cleaning" spells. she immediately thought i was in a gang.

Anonymous said...

Yes, my MIL does this openly in front of me while my spouse is at work and she's visiting from out of state. His Dad does it too. They go in his office and look at all his papers and files. It's maddening. I've never said anything to them while they do it, but I'm thinking about putting locks on the doors and then playing dumb - "what locks?" They do it with my stuff too. I'm sooooo glad they live far far away......

AgentX said...

Korean Moms love to snoop.
Note to self; hide the Maxims, the Magnums, the Extc, the college transcript, the empty beer bottles, and the stolen Russian nuclear suitcase in the attic. If she somehow finds all that, then she's beyond snoop and entering MI6 territory.

Anonymous said...

My mom's the one who actually suggested I get thongs to hide panty lines. LOL.. She's into style and also approves of miniskirts... when they're in style.

Katie said...

OMG so true. My yuh-dong-seng has a complex about privacy now because our mom read our mail, our diaries, and even our notes from school.

I'm certain my mom found at least a, b, c, and d, though e wasn't hidden and we weren't Christian, so no f. But you are SPOT-ON!

parksalot said...

when i was a kid, a friend of mine hid a porno mag between my mattress in fear that his parents would find it. i forgot about it, but later when i looked for it... it was mysteriously gone. i was pretty scared of the ramifications... but a good korean mom will not even have to say anything for their child to feel massive guilt and shame.

another time, condoms were missing from my room. to be honest, i wasn't even sexually active, i got them from a sex ed class from school, and i just kept it. now that... i was extremely afraid of what was to come... again, nothing. but the fear drove me mad.

ngf said...

my mom looked over my shoulder while i was reading my email when i was visiting...

midnight_mile said...

Hahaha, boyfriend's Korean mom does this. He tells her nicely to please stay out of his room and his things when he's not home.

"Oh! I promise!"

She sneaks in and slides his window wide open allll the time. It's how we know she does the Korean mom snoop ^_^

Anonymous said...

Yes, yes my mom does this too! Going through ALL my drawers and then finding a skimpy top... that disappears and gets hidden in her drawers (yes, I have occasionally retaliated).

With the one thong I owned from an ex boyfriend... yup, got grilled for that too. And yes, she opens almost all my mail, except junk mail. I told her that was illegal, but I don't think she believes me.

And no, the "cleaning" doesn't actually clean much, though you eventually notice something you like missing once in awhile... "privacy" isn't in the Asian mom's vocabulary

Jin said...

This is too funny...its funny because it is true. I am married 35 with 2 kids.

I remember when I was young my mom would say she found "insert whatever here" while cleaning my room.

One time while in college I signed up for a promo and I guess that company sold my info to Victoria Secrets....2 months later coming home for summer vacation, my mom asked me why am I looking at womens underwear?!!?!?!

In my late 20's after a long business trip to Korea I visited my parents before going home, I bought a present for my mom and told her it was in my briefcase. She didn't find the present but a Maxim magazine, she thought that was porn and made some reference to the Victoria Secrets catalog...I still laugh at that one.

I visit my parent's place every now and then and still have some mail that gets sent to their house. My mom tells me I have mail and of course it is already open. Hahaha I don't mind now since I have my own family to tend to.

Heather *IsaBella and Harrison's Mommy* said...

No matter where I hid it, she would find it! I was such a good kid (before college!) but her constant snooping drove me crazy! I mean, to this day, I've only smoked - secondhand! Yet she thinks I'm a skank (yes, now I really am one! - for hubby, I'm a total slutttt!) and that all started when I was in kindergarten and the teacher caught me and a boy in the unisex bathroom saying "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" and since then, my mom's always thought I was promiscuous. Didn't help that I got my period when I was 9 - heaven forbid I get pregnant at a sleepover with a bunch of girls! Anyhoos, I think I'm off track...

Love always,
Heather

Joolay said...

HAHAHAHAAHHAAHH
"she will probably think it is a giant piece of candy"
EPIC WIN

sandra said...

amen on that one.

Dori Dori! said...

My korean mom found my bong and marijuana. She and my dad started checking my veins for needle marks ! They think marijuana is like heroin ! AHAHAHAHHAHA

When I complain about snooping they get really suspicious like are you hiding something. They are like don't lie.