Thursday, March 27, 2008

#33 Never saying 'I Love You'


The three magic words that a Korean Mom will say only 5 times to you. 1) When you are born. 2) When you get into Harvard. 3)When you marry someone who graduated from Harvard. 4) When you buy her a house. 5)When you have a son.
Have you ever seen an episode of Full House? Whenever DJ or Stephanie do something stupid Danny Tanner is always there to tell them that he loves them (weird organ music and all). Korean Moms are the anti Danny Tanner. A Korean Mom feels you should already know that she loves you. She does not need to say the words. To a Korean Mom, if she has beaten you, or screamed at you, she has told you that she does in fact, love you. When your Korean Mom beats the crap out of you with a stick she lovingly gathered from the backyard, or begins to scream at you in that high pitched voice only dogs and birds can hear, pretend she is caressing your hand, kissing the top of your head, and saying "Kid, I love you"...because that's what she is really doing. If you tell her that you need to hear the actual words come out of her mouth, she will throw back her permed head and laugh until you cry from the cruel sting of mockery.

22 comments:

Suzanne said...

hahah im not korean, im chinese, but this one still holds true for my household! hahah thanks and keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

HAHA oh god.. this is really funny when it's not actually happening =[

jyoo said...

LOL

gooksu said...

Pure genius. Thanks for making me pee my pants with this one.

I Heart You said...

When I became a mom myself, I started to say "I love you" whenever I called my mom. She was totally taken aback the first time (silenced), and even now she often replies with a "thank you". I've considered at least teaching her "ditto".

Anonymous said...

Same goes for some Korean men. I love you's are sort of frivolous and "ditto" has been used by my Korean boyfriend! Anyway, I thought it was strange I've never seen him hug his mom and I've never seen my boyfriend hug, kiss or say, "I love you" to his very own children and I've been with him over 6 years. It explains a lot. I don't take it personal though. You should judge a person by what they do, more than what they say. I have a 100% German Mom and this is a commonality with Korean Mom's. I love you's and hugs are never plentiful, but actions of love are big.

Anonymous said...

Wow, does that one hit way too close too home. Way true, except I've done 3 of the 5 things and still she did not say 'I love you' to me on any of those occasions (I am assuming, in the case of my birth). Thanks for the years of therapy, Mom!

Seoul Brother said...

Wow. I'd have to relate another story about my crazy shrinkydink of an aunt. When my gf was studying karate in Chelsea, I'd meet her at the dojo so we could walk home together. My gf argues that she's white, but I point out that since her heritage is Italian/Polish, she is most definitely not white.

But I digress.

One evening we were walking home, and I didn't insofar as see my shrinkydink aunt, but feel her because she punched me in the arm. My aunt is not a Super Saiyan, nor has she taken the Red Pill. She'd have to jump up to smack Yoda in the crotch. I was thinking, "WTF!?" and when I called mother (whom I will be referring to as "OldMom") about this, OldMom said that this is how family greets those that they love.

OK, I guess since I love her soooo much, she will be impressed by a liver punch then.

parksalot said...

after moving out of the state and marrying a yank, my mom actually says sah-rang-heh on the phone... which is extremely awkward. i tell my wife i love her everyday, but the stark differences in culture, to this day, make it awkward for me to tell my mom that i love her. but... alas, she's taking the guilt aspect of korean mom's by going as far as saying "i love you" to make me feel bad for leaving the nest and marrying a white person.

Anonymous said...

Powerful stuff on that top-5 list. "She will crush your head and you will strike her heal." (If you had your Bible out like your mom would want you to, you'd know where that quote came from.)

Anonymous said...

My sister has serious issues because of this! No kidding, she is not balanced because of it and STILL talks about how my mom is cold. Girl is 33, yet it's still a factor for her.

ngf said...

i never got in a fight in my life...but the worst beating i ever took was from my mom...

days later, she'd ask "where did you get those bruises?"...and i'm like "wtf?"...in my mind, of course...i respond with silence, like the way i took my beatings...

bindc said...

My hubs thought that my mom didn't like him because, I quote "She hugs me like she's hugging a dead fish." I said, "Oh no, honey, she loves you. You watch the next time she and I hug, she hugs me the same way."

LOVE THIS SITE!!

Shannon said...

So wait...that's not how you say I love you? There was this one bonding moment my mother and I had, it involved a wooden spatula, my ass, and some ice later. Good times.

Anonymous said...

lol... my mom must say it much more strategically then... she says "I love you" when she is really meaning "I'm sorry" but since apology isn't part of who she is, it is supposed to suffice.

Or she uses the "Oh, honey, you know I love you," after she tactlessly admits some deep secret (again so true) and before she expects You to admit to some deep dark secret about something...

Gotta love Asian moms...

Heather *IsaBella and Harrison's Mommy* said...

This is why my hubby and I always say "I love you" to each other and to the kids. It gets weird if you never say it and then try doing it when they are in high school! My parents never told me this, but I know deep down they did/do... So just to make things funny, I always tell my mom I love her - right after she says she hates my guts!

Love always,
Heather

Anonymous said...

This includes Thank You and Sorry.

But instead of a Sorry, you get guilt money!

JijiN3k0 said...

Trini parents in general are like this as well.

Anonymous said...

Asian moms are like this in general, I think. Because of this, I had trouble even saying "I like you" to other people up until I was about 16 or so. In my 20s now, and my mom and I still haven't exchanged those three little words...

Anonymous said...

Lighten up! Very few are like that! It's soooo wrong~! Can't believe everything you read, right? Korean moms give way too much love and care to their kids. They'll sacrifice themselves and just about everything else humanly possible, too. Some Korean moms don't know how to... show their feelings just like other moms around the world. However, their #1 goal in life is pretty much their kids. This comes from my own experience and seeing other Korean moms.
Personally, I was never scorned nor hit by my loving mom. I may not sacrifice everything for my kids as she did but I do say, "I Love You," constantly and mean it. Yes, Korean Moms Love and Do Say, I ♥ You!! ^^

Anonymous said...

This is new to me. I guess my parents are oddities perhaps? They told me "I love you" everyday, to the point where you just took it for granted. I was even forced to make kissy sounds at the end of phone calls or they'd be hurt. That another kind of trauma though he he.

Stacy Besco said...

My KM has never once uttered those words. Even if I've said them first, the best I've ever gotten was a nervous "Unh, yeah." (Possible topic, the 3-hour "Unh... unh... moh?... unh..." phone conversations?)

But she's professed her love to me in the simplest ways... like saving me a toy she found at the Chinese buffet where she worked... or walking to my school on her way to work to drop off an umbrella because it started raining.

Yes, the love of a KM is undying. Rarely detectable, but it's there.