Monday, March 17, 2008

#20 Marrying people off


They love this. If you are between the ages of 24-40 and unmarried, your Korean mom is currently trying to marry you off. Don't deny it. The sooner they get you married, the sooner they get to be 'halmoni's/grandmothers and not 'ahjumahs'/older-married-women. You are not to marry just anyone. Your Korean mom is planning your marriage to either a Korean Doctor or Lawyer, and maybe if she's liberal and a little out there...a Korean businessman or woman. As you grow older, her attempts to 'get you married' will escalate. She will even resort to setting you up with people in Korea who are looking for Greencards, that you have never met, and have only seen photoshopped pictures of (...that guy in that picture she showed you? You know, the one from Daejon that works for Samsung? He's actually bald, 5 feet tall, and has a snaggle tooth...but you won't know until the wedding). She will never ever ever, I repeat...ever...be ok with you wanting to marry Artists, or Ministers. She may say she is eventually ok...but deep down she is not. Mainly because she can now never brag about you again (see#18). The last category in this set is considered a death sentence to a Korean Mom who does not want to see her child suffer at the hands of other Korean Moms at the Minister's church. If her child does choose to marry a minister, and the Korean Mom somehow agrees, she will complain, but secretly enjoy her new status as 'one who gave birth to holy child'. If you choose to marry or date a person belonging to the other said groups, be prepared to have your partner experience shunning, an elevated form of the silent treatment, whenever he/she is in the presence of the Korean Mom. If you are currently dating, partnered, or married to anyone in the list above...I salute you. You're my hero.

25 comments:

christine said...

lol i like your blog

how about obsession with cleaning

Chiyo said...

Thanks Christine!

Yes, my Mom is very obsessed with cleaning too! Will post about that soon. :)

Anonymous said...

I married a Japanese man. Boy, was that an earful! I just did it anyway, and she's so in love with him now. But he is also tall with long eyes and willowy features, and is a successful person so maybe that helps.

Anonymous said...

lol !! my mom always tried to marry me off since i was 20. and I only got married when i was 29. LOL!! she always wantd me to marry only korean men or any korean man who i have never met and will show me pictures of t hem LOL but i married a white guy and my mom was really really pissed off LOL!!

now she is ok though. and she always wanted me to marry someone who graduated from harvard.. too LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

But if you're a Korean man, maybe you should marry a non-Korean woman. Remember the post about mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. They may hate your decision but your wife will not be held up to the standards expected of a Korean daughter-in-law! LOL!!! I guess a Korean woman should also marry a non-Korean man to get away from a Korean mother-in-law. There's goes the purity of the Korean race. LOH.

[uncomplicated_love] said...

I'm glad after reading this that I only met my high school boyfriend's father [they're from Seoul, I'm American]!!
I don't think I could've taken that then, haha~

Aileen said...

First off, I agree with Christine - my Korean mom is friggin OBSESSED with cleaning. I live in an apartment in my mom and dad's house. My mom usually makes me breakfast, lunch and dinner (heaven forbid I actually want to eat out!). I'll usually leave the dishes in my sink for a day or two if I'm left alone, then they bother me, so I wash them. When my mom's around though, she ALWAYS grabs the dishes, brings them upstairs, washes them, then brings the clean ones down. She is absolutely neurotic about having no dishes in the sink, over my vehement protests to leave them alone.

Now, on to this topic - marriage. I'm 29, the baby of the family, and the only unmarried one of the lot. Needless to say, I get A LOT of grief from my mom over the fact that she wants me to get married so she can have grandkids.

Up until I turned about 24, things were fine. Then, all of a sudden, she turned on me and became obsessed. Between her and my eemo (who I personally feel is crazier than my mom about me getting married - it's probably because she doesn't have kids of her own, so I've almost become something like her child by proxy), both are now at the point where they're like, "Hey, I know this really cute guy who you should hook up with!" It's driving me nuts!

What's funny about my mom wanting grandkids is that my two other sisters have kids. When the kids come over, my mom's so glued to her Korean soap operas that she hardly spends time with them. (Yes, I read the post regarding that and I, too, can relate!) So this obsession with me having grandkids for her baffles me. It's gotten to the point where I now just tell my parents that I'm just going to have a baby daddy and screw the whole marriage thing. It's fun and funny to see my parents and their reactions when I say that.

My mom's a little different from yours though. Since I'm a half-breed (my dad's white), my parents have always told me that I am NOT allowed to marry a Korean guy. My mom wants me to hook up with a white guy, preferably one with blonde hair and blue eyes. Granted, I am primarily attracted to white guys, but not blondies. My mom doesn't get that and it drives her nuts. What she wants me to have is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed kid. I tell her often that even if I married a white boy with the above, chances are slim to none that my kids would have the hair and the eyes thanks to genetics. She doesn't care what I think though and rather than her being stuck on me getting married to a doctor or a lawyer who is Korean, she is stuck on me marrying a blondie. Doesn't matter what he does, any blondie will suffice.

My mom's kinda nutty though. I made her take a jello shot with me before, so while she's as crazy as a lot of your blog entries about Korean moms (I almost wet myself laughing when reading the most recent few), I've trained her to become pretty cool about some things. Word of advice if you want to see your mom as a changed person - take her on a vacation away from all of her Korean buddies (so she won't feel judged), then make her have some fun and re-live her youth with your guidance!

I turned my formerly uptight mom and now when we take vacations together, I make her get drunk at least once. Secretly she enjoys it. :)

Rock on with your hilarious blog!!

Anonymous said...

I appreciated that last comment. This is therapy.

soyunni said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
soyunni said...

I'm 31 years old and single. I have 2 sisters who are still single, one sister who's married and has one kid. Mom constantly talks about getting married. She still mentions how my first boyfriend I met in college (who I dumped in 2002) was the best out of the few boyfriends I had and that he would've made a great husband. A few months after my last break up, she asked me if I can go back to him and just get married. And she also said that if I were married, I wouldn't have to worry about paying high rent on my own. After a half day of searching for a new place to live, she announced that the only solution to finding a decent place to live is having a husband.

Anonymous said...

When my husband, who is the oldest K son (a.k.a. heir to the throne), was in college, he was dating a chinese girl. His parents found out, and his KM flew 700 miles to his campus, and literally made him break up with her under threat of disinheritance. It was a bit of a relief to them that he eventually married a Korean (me), but now we struggle under #15.

Anonymous said...

My mom's Korean, but she married a whitey, I'm surprised her mom didn't object...so she doesn't have any problems with me wanting to go outside my race(s) mostly...she told me she actually thought it would be strange if I ended up with an asian dude. go figure...

Anonymous said...

my obba is a MD, 35 and still not married. several years ago, my mom got invited to every house in the city and strangers from all over the country where there (totally by accident of course), with pictures of their still unmarried daughters (totally by accident of course)... and my mom was like a judge from koran-daughter-in-law-idol... wether some strange girl is worthy of dating my dear obba...

well.. he is gay... has been since i recall, lives with his roommate, a really nice korean, but like my mom said: gays? i have nothing against gays... there are gays everywhere... but not in korea!!! no korean gays!!! but everywhere else...

Million said...

Aileen your mothers behavior is quite racist it seems like she has isuess with her ethnic background

i feel bad for her

Heather *IsaBella and Harrison's Mommy* said...

It's funny because my mom always told me NOT to marry a Korean (because they drink too much, smoke too much, have a superiority complex, etc) and my dad told me I MUST marry a Korean or "nuh-jook-go nah-jook-go" and I basically married a non-Korean looking Korean, total hottie, reads and speaks and writes fluently, wonderful man and now my parents are extremely please with my choice for a hubby... I thought I was going to marry a white guy too but who'd a thunk it that the most perfect person in the world turned out to be Korean?

Love always,
Heather

Abby said...

This is great info to know.

Generalissimo said...

이 이야기가 재미있어요. 항상 진실해요? 아니요! 저는 한국사람이 안이에요. 또 의사 선생님안이에요. 저는 미국 사람이에요. 도서관에서 일해요. 우리 애인의 어머님은 친절한 분이에요. 영어를 못 하시니까 저는 한국어를 여심히 배워요. 그래서 우리 사이좋아요. 우리 어머님이 제일 좋아요!

Anonymous said...

lol I'm South Asian and I'm dating a Korean girl xD

Her mom is pretty okay with it right now, as far as I know. My GF claims that her mom approves... ...

Anonymous said...

what about religion issues?
my uncle couldn't marry to his first love ONLY because my grandparents disapproved of her religion. sad.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog though - I'm so glad I found it! :)

Patrick Walsh said...

I tell my korean mom that I'm dating an "older, half black, half filipino waitress with lots of tattoos and piercings in embarrassing places and with children from a prior marriage" and that we are "seriously considering marriage as she is pregnant with my child". Since I am also half Irish she lets me get away with it, assuming it is just my dad's sense of humor coming through. I think she still secretly worries.

Anonymous said...

I'm having a very good time reading your blog and finding that 90% of the things you mention fits perfectly to my boyfriends KM.

I'm Vietnamese, my bf is Korean.
My best girlfriend is Korean as well, who told me that his Mom only accepts me as girlfriend and wants me around cause he already screwed up too much in his life.
He's a divorce dad of 10yr old who is half white. He's only into white girls until we started dating, and the fact that I'm the closest to a Korean, makes me already becoming the future daughter in Law and that they secretly planned our wedding.

I never knew being Asian could actually be some sort of advantage.
But it is sometimes disturbing to see how curious, cleaning obsessed and smothering KM's can be.

Anonymous said...

I have to completely disagree with this post, I am white and my husband is Korean, and his mother LOVES me!

Anonymous said...

You didn't mention Chinese people! Do I still have a chance?!

Anonymous said...

Okay, this is totally sad, but 90% of my own family don't even know I've dating a white guy for the last 5 years. They're just too Korean. It will break their hearts. They keep telling me I need to hurry up and marry a good Korean guy!

Anonymous said...

Hello Chiyo!! I LOVE your Blog.. It's soo funny!!
I have been dating a korean woman for the past year and a bit.. I am canadian And Im in love ...I have met both Her Father And Mother.. But only Her Mother knows we are dating.. at first Her mother really liked me but now it seems her mother has told my girlfriend to break up with me because I am white and she is afraid of her grandchildren not looking 100% korean... MY girlfriend is 31 (borderline "ajuma") She has an older sister who is married with 2 children,AND a younger Sister,Married And Pregnant... Now I understand why her mother is pushing for her to get married and have children but what is wrong with her marrying me and having children with me??? I treat my Gf and her family with so much Respect And Love...CAN ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND This Dilema?!?! Thanks